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The Jury Pool From Heaven

By Jeralyn, Section Law Related
Posted on Wed Jan 19, 2005 at 02:05:23 PM EST
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In the truth can be stranger than fiction department:

Defense attorney Leslie Ballin called it the "jury pool from hell." The group of prospective jurors was summoned to listen to a case of Tennessee trailer park violence. Right after jury selection began last week, one man got up and left, announcing, "I'm on morphine and I'm higher than a kite."

When the prosecutor asked if anyone had been convicted of a crime, a prospective juror said that he had been arrested and taken to a mental hospital after he almost shot his nephew. He said he was provoked because his nephew just would not come out from under the bed.

Another would-be juror said he had had alcohol problems and was arrested for soliciting sex from an undercover officer. "I should have known something was up," he said. "She had all her teeth."

Another prospect volunteered he probably should not be on the jury: "In my neighborhood, everyone knows that if you get Mr. Ballin (as your lawyer), you're probably guilty." He was not chosen.

The case involved a woman accused of hitting her brother's girlfriend in the face with a brick. Ballin's client was found not guilty.

Since his client was found not guilty, I think the article should be re-titled, "The Jury Pool From Heaven."

Update: From an unrelated case --I'd call this the opening argument from hell.

A federal prosecutor launched the trial of a cold storage company accused of unsanitary conditions Wednesday by describing a warehouse stocked with millions of pounds of meat as "an amusement park for rats and a house of horrors for the City of Chicago."

"Rodents were allowed to feast on an all-you-can eat buffet," Assistant U.S. Attorney Eric Sussman told jurors in his opening statement at the trial of LaGrou Distribution System Inc. and its former president Jack Stewart. Stewart, 55, is charged in the indictment with conspiring to cover up unsanitary conditions at the 500,000-square foot warehouse that supplied meat and other food products to stores and restaurants throughout the Chicago area.

His attorney was left with this comeback:

.... the number of rats, droppings and nesting materials found by Agriculture Department inspectors was small compared to the vast size of the warehouse.

Enjoy your dinner, Chicagoan readers.

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    The Jury Pool From Heaven | 11 comments (11 topical)
    Re: The Jury Pool From Heaven (none / 0) (#1)
    by desertswine on Wed Jan 19, 2005 at 03:09:50 PM EST
    Well, that brightened up my day. Thanks.

    Re: The Jury Pool From Heaven (none / 0) (#2)
    by Talkleft Visitor on Wed Jan 19, 2005 at 03:17:31 PM EST
    So I was involved in a trial once where a juror was dismissed because he said "I hate the government!" So much for being honest

    Re: The Jury Pool From Heaven (none / 0) (#3)
    by superskepticalman on Wed Jan 19, 2005 at 04:02:38 PM EST
    Having once worked for as a writing/research clerk for a criminal judge in Nashville, here's what I suspect may have happened in Memphis. If Shelby Co., TN, is anything like Davidson Co., TN, jury days for circuit level criminal courts are large cattle calls of prospective jurors one week or so a month. And not only just for criminal trials but civil trials as well. Probably somewhere around 200 people are at the courthouse in a holding area with coffee and snack and soda machines nearby. Nice chairs (maybe), NO television, and just hanging around for their randomized chance to be on a jury. Some folks will spend their entire jury service either hanging out in the marshalling area or trudgeing to the courtroom just to be bumped for one reason or another. My guess is that this incident took place sometime well into the jury pool's tenure downtown, and some folks were getting tired of hanging around. So, the clever ones found each other out, discovered a shared sense of humor, and came up with a variety of explanations for getting off jury duty. Especially in the afternoon, when getting bumped means going home early. Easily the most entertaining rationale was the undercover cop with all of her teeth. Sheesh. Not that the judge can do much about the stories; not nearly enough time to check these things out under the circumstances. Bad part is that the best and brightest potential jurors will copy this to get out of jury service, not that they would've had much chance of being allowed a panel in the first place, especially by a prosecutor.

    Re: The Jury Pool From Heaven (none / 0) (#4)
    by Kitt on Wed Jan 19, 2005 at 05:22:24 PM EST
    I sat down to watch the end of Dan Abrams show and he 'counted the ways' - the one that illicited a burst of laughter from someone off-camera was the woman who said the police should've known she was not a real prostitute because she has all natural teeth. Oh - wotever!

    Re: The Jury Pool From Heaven (none / 0) (#5)
    by Talkleft Visitor on Wed Jan 19, 2005 at 06:56:28 PM EST
    These upstanding citizens should have been referred to a special part to ascertain the truth of their assertions. Anyone found wanting can do 60 for contempt of court. Hey, I can dream. But unless courts put some teeth in punishing lying potential jurors, this sort of thing is going to remain rampant.

    Re: The Jury Pool From Heaven (none / 0) (#6)
    by Talkleft Visitor on Thu Jan 20, 2005 at 01:25:43 AM EST
    Insane but normal.

    Re: The Jury Pool From Heaven (none / 0) (#7)
    by pigwiggle on Thu Jan 20, 2005 at 07:15:39 AM EST
    The last pool I was in there was a self-confessed crack addict. The defendant was just some kid caught with a small bit of meth. A woman who confessed that she had a very poor view of meth because meth addicts robbed her made the jury. I was dismissed, presumable because I said I thought drug prohibition was an unacceptable infringement of personal liberty.

    Re: The Jury Pool From Heaven (none / 0) (#8)
    by Talkleft Visitor on Thu Jan 20, 2005 at 07:20:36 AM EST
    Omigawd. I'm still chuckling. This makes me think of a giant "Wheel of Fortune" game combined with the worst of the old "Gong Show" and dregs from Monty Python. Weird...

    Re: The Jury Pool From Heaven (none / 0) (#9)
    by kdog on Thu Jan 20, 2005 at 07:22:07 AM EST
    I was dismissed from a auto-accident case because I mentioned I was sued for several million dollars after a 5 mph fender-bender. The plaintiff's attorney didn't like that none to much.

    Re: The Jury Pool From Heaven (none / 0) (#10)
    by Talkleft Visitor on Thu Jan 20, 2005 at 11:17:29 AM EST
    Shelby Co. is indeed exactly as described. But before you get the week of service cattle pen of 200, you get the scheduling cattle pen of 4000(?). And a judge impersonating a drill sargent refusing any and all excuses. That's how they deal with liars at that stage; they just refuse *any* excuse. And add a large dose of (very) public humiliation. - In contrast, MO just instituted an interesting, humane procedure. You're "on call" for one week, and only have to show up if needed for a specific trial/voir dire. Show up for that, serve the trial if chosen. But that's it. - Aside from the (repugnant to me) winnowing of jurors that goes on, why do we expect people to serve gladly, when it seems we make it as painful a chore as possible?

    Re: The Jury Pool From Heaven (none / 0) (#11)
    by Talkleft Visitor on Fri Jan 21, 2005 at 09:20:17 AM EST
    I was dismissed, presumable because I said I thought drug prohibition was an unacceptable infringement of personal liberty. pigwiggle, this was funny as heck. and i line i must remember for future jury duty...

    The Jury Pool From Heaven | 11 comments (11 topical)