We were offline when this guide to Gifts For Sexy Anarchists appeared in the San Francisco Chronicle.
It's for people who are angry about Bush, Aschroft, Cheney (Mr. and Mrs.) and the War in Iraq.
Some of our favorites on the list:
Possum-fur nipple warmers. "These actually exist. No one is quite sure why. Something to do with an overabundance of possum in New Zealand. Anything to do with exposed nipples and warming them in some remotely sexy way is sure to make heavily shellacked mannequin-faced Laura Bush titter and squeal and faint. Hand them out in the church parking lot!"
"A giant sparkly wall map of the world, with Iraq highlighted in bright bloody doomsday red, and little U.S. flags looming anywhere we have troops or we've set up a puppet government or we have land-raping oil concerns or anywhere we plan on bombing into submission real soon now even though they were our ally just last week. Hey, we're a rogue nation now. Strike first, rig a presidential election later."
"Adopt an Iraqi/Afghan citizen. Saddam hates them, the Taliban hates them, we've killed scores of them and plan on killing scores more. What better time to support these most innocent of sufferers, the deeply repressed and war torn and heavily sanctioned and completely forgotten?
Hey, those millions of Iraqi children haven't had decent medical attention since the U.S. imposed sanctions. Thousands have died as a result. Send some Halliburton-brand bandages in Dick Cheney's name."
"A lovely "Evildoer" T-shirt or bumper sticker. Remember Geedubya calling everyone who doesn't believe in shopping malls and a war-hungry intolerant God and/or the new Lexus an evildoer, over and over again, last year? Reclaim this fine term, make the Feds look at you funny and fondle their manly weapons as you pass through airport security. Also available in baby-doll. Wear it in public and watch Ashcroft's lower lip tremble."
Haven't seen a gift you like yet? Try these...."Panties with a nice Christian message. Little Afghani antenna flags. Chocolate handcuffs. Wiccan cookbooks. The American-flag bikini wax" (as in waxed-in-the-shape of).
