From retired Drake University journalism professor Herb Strenz, as published in the Des Moines Register, comes this little ditty, "John Ashcroft is Coming to Town," sung to the tune of the Santa original. Here's the gist:

He's making a list,
He's checking it twice,
gonna find out who's naughty or nice:
John Ashcroft is coming to town!

They'll know when you're speaking out,
They'll know when you dissent,
They'll know when you don't salute,
But they won't tell where you're sent!

...Closed trials and secret arrests,
All in store for those he detests:
John Ashcroft is coming to town.

....Wire taps and pen registers,
Just fun toys for justice jesters:
John Ashcroft is coming to town.

....Agents in U-S spyland will have a jubilee,
They're gonna fill their data banks,
With the scoop on you and me.

Ohh.You better watch out, you better not cry,
You better not pout, I'm telling you why:
John Ashcroft is coming to town.

Update: Ashcroft will be speaking Monday at 2pm at the Boise Depot in Boise, Idaho. The speech is open to the media but closed to the public.