Aren't you glad this cop isn't in your neighborhood? Who do you think will play him in the movie? This would be a funny story if it also weren't true.

A Brooklyn cop is being investigated for Internet postings in which he brags about beating suspects, writing phony tickets and ignoring calls to his precinct. The officer, identified by Internal Affairs investigators as a patrol cop who works in the 75th Precinct, uses the pseudonym "Brooklynbacon" and posts his messages on a site accessible through Xanga.com.

Alongside pictures of motorcycle trick riders, naked women, photographs with comical captions and pictures of human oddities, he posts messages supposedly about his job and, in some instances, his own misconduct. Any one of the offenses he describes could cost him his job.

We suspect Brooklynbacon commits three felonies before noon every day. Someone should relieve him of his patrol position fast.

In railing against an unspoken traffic ticket quota he says that officers must meet -- 10 tickets per week, he contends -- he writes: So I have come up with a better way of writing tickets. I just write down the plates of the cars that cut me off the the (sic) parkways and I send them a bogus parking ticket in the mail. The person will then have to deal with the Parking Violations Bureau and not me. Problem quickly resolved. So, in other words, be careful who you cut off on the road. They might be an off duty cop and they could write your plates down and write you a $150 parking ticket. Have a nice day."

The guy writes so much that is unique to his job that it didn't take long to smoke him out. But as of yesterday, he's still on patrol. Why?

After getting in a motorcycle crash, he got assigned to desk duty, of which he says:

"they assigned me to the wrong position.""I have neither sympathy nor remorse when people call me up complaining about their problems. I have no feelings when people complain about loud music and I could really care less if they are seeking information regarding a family member that has been incarcerated. Cry me a river."

What a piece of work.