Op-Ed News has the story of Tom Ridge's arrest of Santa Claus as an enemy combatant on his last day as HSA Chief.

In a daring midnight raid, FBI and local North Pole law enforcement officials stormed the previously unknown residence of the reclusive elf-master. A local officer was quoted as saying Mr. Clause was in the middle of wrapping boxes, with unknown contents, a sure sign of terrorism-related activities.

Mr. Ridge defended the collar today by saying, “what we do know is that Mr. Clause has multiple aliases, including Mr. Kringle and Saint Nick, which we believe to be an al Qaeda code name”. Ridge continued, “Look, this guy has had unfettered access to our borders for years untold. He never clears customs, never presents identification, and is always carrying multiple wrapped boxes which are never properly screened. In this post 9-11 world, those are risks we just cannot continue to take”.