by TChris

The post below describes the pain that a judge experienced after being accused of telling a rape victim to "get over it." He denies saying those words, although he may have said something like "she needs to get over it." Even that compassionate suggestion may be politically incorrect in today's society.

In addition to being a "prison nation," we've become a "victim nation." Crime victims are a staple of afternoon talk shows, and their stories are often horrible. But victims (or those who claim to be victims) sometimes find the attention and sympathy they receive so rewarding that "victimization" becomes a way of life, and an excuse to avoid recovery. Too often families hear: "You can't expect me to [return to work] [be a supportive mother/father/wife/husband] [feel love] because I'm a victim." And too often "support groups" for victims validate those statements rather than encouraging victims to get on with their lives. That may be one reason that so many false accuations are made: victims receive attention, sympathy, and sometimes celebrity -- responses that many find appealing.

A psychotherapist reminds us that we aren't helping victims by encouraging them to dwell on their personal tragedies.

Those who choose to allow painful events to negatively determine the rest of their lives stand in their own path to healing. Yes, we never recover totally from the loss of a child or the loss of a limb. However, we also do not want to allow that event to turn us into bitter, angry people whose bitterness creates a downward spiral where more and more evidence for negativity can so easily be found.