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No Child Left Behind is just Asinine

What happens when ridiculous mandates are made more ridiculous?  Believe it or not:

No Child Left [with a Fat] Behind?

by Pierre O'Dee

TEXAS -- In the Fick-Tishes Regional School District, teachers and administrators take physical education -- or "robust exercise," as they like to call it -- quite seriously.  "It's one of the four R's here," Superintendent of Schools Richard Tater proudly declared.

On Tuesday, the school district was rewarded for its devotion to robust exercise with a visit from U.S. Secretary of Education Margaret Spellings.  In the packed gymnasium at Fick-Tishes Regional High School, the Secretary presented Tater with a plaque for "robust achievement in physical education and exemplary standards of fitness."

Spellings then unveiled a "modest proposal" to broaden the requirements of the No Child Left Behind Act to include physical education, beginning in 2007.  "Our schools need to educate the whole child," she asserted.

"It is not enough to demand proficiency in traditional academic subjects such as reading and math.  Children who are fit in mind alone are not fit.  Our schools can do a much better job of ensuring that students are successful in every realm.  Intellectual achievement and physical fitness are not mutually exclusive."

Spellings cited Fick-Tishes schools as "a perfect example of how schools can attain excellence across the curriculum," a remark that elicited a loud ovation.  She commended the crowd for understanding "the need to invest in the future" and then noted that "the students of today are the soldiers, astronauts, and firefighters of tomorrow."

Later, Spellings acknowledged the "often difficult and demanding job" schools have, but she insisted, "if President Bush, who has the toughest job of all, can maintain a commitment to physical fitness, then there is no reason our schools cannot."

The new provisions of NCLB are slated for implementation on October 1, 2007.  They include specific standards for what every child should be able to physically achieve, based on their age and gender.  Schools will be expected to annually assess student proficiency in several fitness areas, with emphasis on (1) aerobic capacity, (2) body composition, and (3) muscle strength, endurance, and flexibility.

For middle and high school students, one assessment measure will be the one-mile run, a task that a 14-year-old boy would be expected to complete in 8 minutes or less.  A girl of the same age would be expected to run that distance in 10 minutes or less.

Critics of NCLB say that expanding the reach of the controversial law to include physical education puts an unfair burden upon schools that are already overwhelmed and underfunded.  "It's another example of the federal government asking schools to do more for less," said Eileen Leftwich, the executive director of No School Left Behind.  "It's unreasonable to place added demands on schools without providing the funding to back it up."

Another group opposing the new requirements is TAUghT, Teachers Against Unfair Testing.  The grassroots organization contends that an overemphasis on testing unduly narrows the definition of proficiency and makes for a less rich and less diverse learning experience.  "It's a cruel joke," said Eduardo Cater, a spokesperson for TAUghT.  "But we're not amused.  Children are more than the sum of their test scores, and teaching is more than testing."

Cater took particular exception to the proposed physical education requirements.  "It's not a level playing field," he argued.  "Some kids are naturally slower than others or have disabilities that hinder their proficiency.  Other kids are slowed down by the baggage they carry from home.  Or they just got a late start.  You can't expect these sorts of kids to perform as well as their less encumbered peers."

With a shake of his head, Cater then added, "there are so many factors and circumstances over which schools have no control.  How is it fair to blame us when students don't measure up as a result?  It's a setup for failure."

The Secretary of Education bristled at such criticism.  "Failure is simply not an option," she responded.  "These naysayers would do well to stop finding reasons to fail and start finding ways to succeed."  Spellings then gestured at the now empty gymnasium.  "They could learn a thing or two from Fick-Tishes schools."

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NOTE: As you may very well have surmised, the above news article is fictitious (Fick-Tishes) and was written to satirize the many flaws of the No Child Left Behind Act.  For more serious reading on the subject, I refer you to the following:

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  • Display: Sort:
    Public Schools (5.00 / 1) (#1)
    by DARRYLMAST on Fri Dec 22, 2006 at 09:31:39 PM EST
    Public Schools are the only hope of this nation.  The fact that every child has the right to a free education is the cornerstone of our society.  The only handle the Republican party has on Public Schools is the fact the ACLU has taken prayer out of public schools an added sex education.  I will agree homo sexuality is an abomination but they are using it as a tool.  There are people who want to stick the state public education fund in there personal pockets.  South Carolina has has a state school budget of 1.2 billion dollars in there pockets.  They are willing to fund Governor Candidates to buy the seat and direct the State Legislator to priviitize the state school buget with an understanding 5-10 percent goes back the Republican party.

    If public education falls our democracy will fade and be gone.  No Child Left Behind behind is a big part of the attempt to accomplish this. Any way to give public schools a black eye is the idea.

    Children with learning disabilities scores on act and pac testing should be averaged in with regular students test scores.  This lowers overal scores and gives corruption something else topoint at.  In South Carolina Media General which has bought 13 more station in 2000 when Bush was making his run to steal the election has joined the fight to close down public schools and privitize the public school budget.

    When some boys made a mistake with a girl they called it rape immediately and went on school grounds like all public school children are rapest.  They have reports every weak about how bad public school are.  Rather then getting behind the schools to promote them

    Our school lottery has been shifted from K1-12 grade funding ti funding college education for childres whose parents make $100,000.00 a year.  In South Carolina the Republican Party has figured out that building roads is a way to steal tax money by buying land and putting a road through it so the state has to pay big money for the land is more important then education the children of the state.  Un educated people are easier to steal from.

    The industry in
    South Carolina has went to mexico and china now the people in the state legislature has figured out that stealing the state general fund is the only industry left.  Small minds like these keeps the state in chains.

    We have to get behind our public schools is our only hope to keep Democracy.

    Darryl A. Mast
         

    Should not be added in with normal students scores (5.00 / 1) (#2)
    by DARRYLMAST on Fri Dec 22, 2006 at 09:35:31 PM EST
    Scores from specail ed students should never have there scores added in with regular students they should  be separted.

    Spellings is horrible (none / 0) (#3)
    by waitingforvizzini on Tue Jan 02, 2007 at 12:58:22 AM EST
    NCLB is just awful. It is designed to make public schools fail so that finally schools like all else that is rightly in the public domain should be privatized.