November 2006

Dear Ted,

There comes a time in every man's life where his true character is allowed
to show.  I've never met you but from the events over the past years of
your life, it would be safe for me to say that this is your time.

Struggling with being gay is nothing new.  In fact, for millions of people
around the world, through every place and time, people have struggled to
understand their homosexuality.

The most common reaction to this fight is to find something to blame for
the struggle.  As a former fundamentalist Baptist Christian, I struggled
for many years as a young gay man.  I was taught that my family structure,
coupled with my inability to resist Satan was the cause for my giving in
to homosexuality.

It was much easier for me to find something to blame my homosexuality on
than to look into my heart and find that being gay was as much a
reflection of my true self as my sister's heterosexuality was a reflection
of her true self.

This is your moment for you to show your true character; to stand and be a
real man and learn how to accept yourself and respect yourself as you are.

Reparative/restorative therapy does not work.  You can convince yourself,
your family and friends that you have changed your behavior over time.  In
fact, you can manipulate your brain enough to actually believe that your
faith in God will help you with overcoming what you view as a sin.

Your own personal history has already shown that regardless of your faith,
regardless of your desire to be a heterosexual and regardless of your
attempts to build a heterosexual life, you are not a heterosexual.

Discovering that is not a reason for sorrow, remorse or shame.  Rather, it
is a time to reflect, count your blessings and find a way to move into a
place of self acceptance.

You may want to try reparative/restorative therapy since it has already
begun for you.  But keep in mind as you go through the process, that while
your family, church, accountability partners and others may not see your
reality, every single person who has ever struggled to find a place of
self acceptance knows exactly what you are going through.  We know what it
is you will be thinking about when you are alone.  We know how easy it is
to think about ending your life rather than moving into a place of self
acceptance.

Believe it or not, your struggle, and the recent events regarding your
removal from religious leadership can be the catalyst that allows you to
be a real man and stand for what you know in your heart has always been
true and real for you.

Instead of continuing the charades and duality in your life (yes, many of
us have lived that way as well), you can begin your life anew.  A life
lived honestly and with confidence is the best life to live.

Forgiveness for your past of deception and your deadly anti-gay words is
fairly easy to come by.  But you have to take that first step, which is
honesty.

You are not alone.

Over the past ten years, HeartStrong has helped many hundreds of people
who have attended religious schools like yourself.  And, we are here to
help you now.

Your friend on the journey,