I'm sure there are many explanations for this.

In January 2009, the Dem electorate needs to start demanding an end to discrimination against gay families, if only because it's so effectively used against us as a wedge issue.  

Once the people lead, the leaders can follow.  The first step would be to demand a  repeal of DOMA, and reestablish our "full faith and credit" clause so all states would have to accept marriages/civil unions from other states that allow gays to marry/civil unionize.  An Obama administration can move forward with changes to IRS rules that unfairly penalize children and partners of gay citizens, as well as establish anti-discrimination policy at the federal level.  But none of this can be done top down, or we'll end up in the same situation we were when Bill Clinton wanted to effect positive change for gay citizens who helped him win his second term.  We don't need a another deadlock, and we can't afford to just wait another 50-100 years for society to magically change.  The gay wedge issue is a cash cow for powerful religious institutions.  Anger, fear and "Us vs. Them" mentality brings those organizations more participants than "love your neighbor" ever did.  They're not going to let it go.  But if we are the force behind Obama, and if this election and the next four years are really about us, not just him, then we have a powerful tool in his Faith Based programs.  Demanding that money not be allocated to organizations that promote discrimination against gays would effectively cripple the megachurch manipulations of the electorate.

Schools won't allow books about gay families in the school library?  Sue those schools on behalf of the (heterosexual) children with gay parents.  Gay families exist, and their children have the right to access information about families like theirs.  Or sue the schools on behalf of the children who are our future gay citizens for getting a distorted perception of what their place in society could be.  Homosexuality is a biological fact, it occurs across the animal kingdom, and schools who teach, even by omission, that homosexuality is abnormal or wrong are doing a disservice to the children they serve.  Those children deserve to know who they are and why they have feelings that are different from 90% of their co-students.  

Everyone's always in reaction mode instead of being proactive on this issue.  We're always responding to things like this crappy Proposition 8, instead of taking care of the business of making sure equality is a foundation of our great nation.  Get over your distaste/discomfort/titillation from the idea of gay sex, and start thinking of the impact of bigotry on society.  If gay parents are can't marry, their (mostly heterosexual) children are denied equality under the law.  That's wrong, mean spirited and anti-American.  So stop waiting for gays to win their rights and start demanding that our government and institutions stand by our values as stated in the Constitution.

It's not fun belonging to the last minority group it's still acceptable to openly discriminate against.

I do think that race and religion both played a role in this loss. I'm personally so sick of bigotry being cloaked in religion. Christians pick and choose what parts of the bible they want to "enforce" (for lack of a better term). The many silly restrictions in Leviticus that are routinely ignored by Christians have been pointed out countless times. Why stick to gay-hate? Bigotry.

Whether for this issue, or health care, living wage, education, etc., one cannot try to grab onto the cloak of civil rights as a last ditch effort.  This claim must be the foundation of and drive behind the movement.  So it's back to the drawing board and I hope that the defeat will not extinguish the legislative effort to overturn this aberration.  We must win by changing people's mind, not giving today's winners the excuse that judicial activism trumped the vote.  Just like Biden repeats ad nauseam, Champ, when you get knock down,...

P.S.  As to the claim of "ownership" by a group of the "civil Rights" trademark, I can't deny that this attitude may exist in some quarters.  But last night, with Jesse Jackson's well-documented tears and Lewis' nostalgic interview, I couldn't get out of my minds that a generation of historic black leaders were eased into retirement, out of the public stage.  Not that their voices are now superfluous, but their task has been passed on to others.