Two references to Jersey Shore. "They're the reason MTV doesn't play your videos."

She's done, here's Ellen DeGeneres. presenting the ward for best female video. Winner: Lady Gaga for "Bad Romance." Her Alexander McQueen shoes are incredible, I'll try to get a picture. (Here they are.)

Justin Bieber performs outside. It's like a Today Show set. A very preppy number that reminds me of those old groups like Boyz to Men. Justin now bangs on the drums and the crowed goes wild throwing red confetti. I'm underwhelmed.

Usher's up: Very cool, ultra-high tech set. What a great dancer. Best performance so far tonight.

Back for Taylor Swift. Sounds to me like she is off-key a few times at the beginning but she finishes stronger. The refrain sounds just like her other songs though. This is supposed to be a song about Kanye West..."'Lost your balance on a tight rope... '32 and still growing up..." Not her best performance.

So far:

• Best Dance Video – Lady Gaga (“Bad Romance”)
• Best Collaboration Video – Lady Gaga featuring * Beyonce (“Telephone”)
• Best Female Video – Lady Gaga (“Bad Romance”)
• Best Rock Video – 30 Seconds to Mars (“Kings and Queens”)
• Best Male Video – Eminem (“Not Afraid”)
• Best Pop Video – Lady Gaga (“Bad Romance”)

Jersey Shore is a skit, not an award presentation. It's actually funny. They are in a hot tub and challenge Chelsea to get in. She does. They are all sitting in water. After the award for best hip-hop video (Eminem wins) they come back to the hot tub. Some jokes about how filthy it is and then Chelsea emerges, with a pregnant belly over her outfit. She hopes it's not too late for the morning after pill and runs offstage soaking wet from the waist down.

Great performance of Airplanes (Wish Right Now) by B.O.B and Hayley Williams. She's got a great voice.

Winner for Best New Artist -- voting ended just a few minutes ago: Justin Bieber wins. He can't find his way up to the stage. Thanks Usher for being his mentor. Lady Gaga is in her third outfit.

Linkin Park performs at the LA Obsrvatory. They're wearing overcoats and jackets. Can it be that cold in LA? It's reminiscent of the Berlin Wall concert last year. They are very good.

Video of the year and Kanye West up in 4 minutes. Maybe that's why Lady Gaga changed again, she couldn't walk in the black Armani gown she wore when accepting her second award.

Here's Cher. OMG, she looks great -- exactly the same and she's wearing that black see-through bodysuit from the "Turn Back Time" video. She's announcing Video of the Year. Lady Gaga wins for "Bad Romance." She gives Cher her purse to hold. What a pair they make. Lady Gaga is actually crying. After saying she was so nervous because she didn't want to let her fans down, she announces her new record and sings a line. And gets her purse back from Cher.

Here's Kanye West. Wearing bright orange-red. It's a song about toasting douchebags, scumbags, as*holes and jerkoffs. There's ballerinas dancing around and some other other guy taking lead singing now. I love his salmon colored blazer. Then back to Kanye but his voice is so muffled you can't make out what he's singing. I think he's saying "I'm sorry" (to Taylor?). Then it's back to the toast to the jerkoffs, etc, all heard clearly. I can't tell if the unintelligile part was intentional or not. Whatever the point of it was, I missed it.

Chelsea ends with telling everyone to go get "sh*t-faced."

I feel bad for all the performers not named Lady Gaga or Eminem. They never stood a chance. That's a wrap.

My favorite performance: B.O.B and Hayley: