MINNEAPOLIS (The Borowitz Report) - In what economists are hailing as a clear sign of economic recovery, Walmart customers across the USA jammed into stores on Black Friday, sometimes killing each other to buy useless sh*t.

"We have been looking for evidence that the economy is on the mend," said Davis Logsdon, chairman of the economics department at the University of Minnesota.  "When people resort to homicide to buy a Blu-ray player, that is very, very good news indeed."

Mr. Logsdon said he was "impressed" by the lengths to which some Walmart customers were going to grab coveted sale items: "They're using tactics we usually associate with the UC-Davis police."

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Michele Bachmann says that if she were president, the U.S. would not have an embassy in Iran.

Problem: There is no U.S. embassy in Iran.

Looks lime exSLC mayor Rocky Anderson is in, running under the new Justice Pty banner.  On paper (haven't yet head him speak) he seems even more liberal than his 3d party namesake from 1980, who is also apparently a founding member of this same party.  And obviously unless another third party candidate emerges from the right and one as appealing to that segment as RA might be to liberals, this will end up diluting O's vote just as in 1980.

Martha doing what she does best.  AKA not running for office, but sticking up for the state in court.

"Coakley's 59-page complaint alleges that the five banks violated Massachusetts law by using fraudulent documentation, including "robo-signing," foreclosing without holding the actual mortgage and failing to uphold loan modification promises to homeowners in the state."

Dem Recruit Attacks GOP Congressman for Backing Obama

"This is not a free-for-all situation,"

True that Lt....it's a free-for-the 1% situation.

"Obviously, this money is...bank property."

Sully quotes both Dreher at the American Conservative and links back to Coates in his latest and the focus of all three is entirely on the really interesting issue (which is what I was trying to talk about). Here is Dreher making the surprisingly non-conservative point:

"But I keep coming back to a point that seems to be the one TNC is making: of what use is this field of study, anyway? Where do we propose to go with it? Andrew's view is that it's worth knowing for the reason all truth is worth knowing, and pursuing. In an abstract world, that makes sense. But we don't live in a world of pure disinterestedness. If I were a geneticist, I doubt I would want to work in this field, only because the experience of the 20th century, especially the Holocaust, makes me deeply mistrustful of what human beings will do with the scientific knowledge that this race is intellectually inferior to that race, and we can prove it genetically. The only possible good I can see coming out of it is to knock down affirmative action programs as unjust -- but you don't need genetics to do that. The possible evils coming out of it? Legion. . . . I believe there is a such thing as forbidden knowledge -- that is, knowledge that ought to be suppressed, for the greater good of all."

Link

"These government-sponsored ads suggest that it is impossible for Jews to remain Jewish in America."

"The Ministry is also featuring on its website a series of short videos that, in an almost comically heavy-handed way, caution Israelis against raising their children in America -- one scare-ad shows a pair of Israeli grandparents seated before a menorah and Skypeing with their granddaughter, who lives in America. When they ask the child to name the holiday they're celebrating, she says "Christmas.""

    "Really poor children, in really poor neighborhoods have no habits of working and have nobody around them who works so they have no habit of showing up on Monday," Gingrich claimed.

    "They have no habit of staying all day, they have no habit of I do this and you give me cash unless it is illegal," he added.

Then he praised his granddaughter for saving up money to buy an Ipad.