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April Fool's

By Jeralyn, Section Off Topic
Posted on Sat Apr 01, 2006 at 08:49:42 AM EST
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First daughters Jenna and Barbara Bush will be assigned to a high-tech unit in Iraq, the Air Force Human Resources Command has confirmed. Having finished basic training at the Officer Training School (OTS) at Maxwell Air Force Base in Alabama, they are scheduled to receive advanced training in telecommunications at the School of Information Technology before deployment overseas with the USAF Information Operations Squadron. For security reasons, the exact dates have been withheld.

In a stunning reversal of federal policy, Congress passed a law yesterday that not only repeals the Higher Education Act Aid Elimination Penalty that has denied financial aid to nearly 200,000 students with drug convictions, but actually mandates that people with drug convictions attend college and that the federal government foot the bill.

For more information on the new law, have a HAPPY APRIL FOOLS DAY!!! If you would like to find out more about the real campaign to repeal the HEA Aid Elimination Penalty, please visit here.

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    April Fool's | 11 comments (11 topical)
    Re: April Fool's (none / 0) (#1)
    by Edger on Sat Apr 01, 2006 at 10:16:43 AM EST
    Congress passed a law yesterday that ... actually mandates that people with drug convictions attend college and that the federal government foot the bill And mandates that for their practicums they must sell mind manifesting conciousness expanding chemicals such as LSD, DMT, Salvia, Peyote, Psilocybin, etc. to wingnut teenagers (over 18 of course) so they grow up able to think clearly, in order to qualify for their diplomas. Happy April, fools.

    Re: April Fool's (none / 0) (#2)
    by Che's Lounge on Sat Apr 01, 2006 at 12:09:32 PM EST
    Mission Accomplished!

    Re: April Fool's (none / 0) (#3)
    by glanton on Sat Apr 01, 2006 at 12:23:04 PM EST
    Welcome oppressed Christians! (They're the "Jews of the 21st century", dontcha know?)

    Re: April Fool's (none / 0) (#4)
    by Dadler on Sat Apr 01, 2006 at 12:52:30 PM EST
    You had me for a mili-second with the Bush twins yarn. But, sorry, Nora Ephron is just not funny or insightful or anything. Since WHEN HARRY MET SALLY, and it's obscene ripoffs of Woody Allen, I've never been able to take her seriously. And her shorter pieces never really amount to much. That said, TODAY IS THE FINAL F*CKING FOUR!!! UCLA and Geroge Mason in the final, that's my pick, with UCLA winning it all. Defense, baby, the Bruins play smothering D. Fight the power, y'all.

    Re: April Fool's (none / 0) (#5)
    by Dadler on Sat Apr 01, 2006 at 12:54:31 PM EST
    The Bruins also play that thing Jack Black and Kyle Gass named their "band after": TENACIOUS D!

    Re: April Fool's (none / 0) (#6)
    by scarshapedstar on Sat Apr 01, 2006 at 01:45:13 PM EST
    And mandates that for their practicums they must sell mind manifesting conciousness expanding chemicals such as LSD, DMT, Salvia, Peyote, Psilocybin, etc. to wingnut teenagers (over 18 of course) so they grow up able to think clearly, in order to qualify for their diplomas. Happy April, fools.
    Hmm, well, maybe not Salvia. That stuff made me think I was a black woman.

    Re: April Fool's (none / 0) (#7)
    by scarshapedstar on Sat Apr 01, 2006 at 01:45:57 PM EST
    On second thought, Salvia might actually be the greatest wingnut-redeeming drug of all time.

    Re: April Fool's (none / 0) (#8)
    by Talkleft Visitor on Sat Apr 01, 2006 at 03:58:29 PM EST
    I'm an Air Force veteran and this would've immediately caught my attention if they had it right. OTS is at Lackland AFB, Texas not Maxwell AFB AL. Maxwell is the home of the Air University which is a totally different animal.

    Re: April Fool's (none / 0) (#9)
    by Wes on Sat Apr 01, 2006 at 06:49:38 PM EST
    BREAKING NEWS: Anarchy in the U.S.
    Yesterday, in a surprising turn of events, Congress enacted a constitutional amendment via passage of the Anarchy Bill of 2006. This amendment has broad sweeping implications for the Federal Government. Among other things, as of 12:01 a.m. this morning: 1. The Supreme Court is to be turned into the Supreme Food Court, offering such delicacies as Scalia Scaloppini and the Alito Burrito. 2. All federal laws have been redacted and are now to be considered null and void. 3. The funds left in the federal Social Security program are to be donated to Bob & Cheetah's House of Bongs. 4. In a surprising act of self-flagellation, all members of the House and Senate are required to spend the rest of their designated office term walking door-to-door and offering a personalized apology to each member of their constituency. 5. As his last act as President, Congress has authorized President Bush to act out his frustration at the fact that Egypt refused to install a McDonald's inside the Sphynx by starting a second war in the Middle East. 6. April 29th has been established as National Global Warming Day, and children are encouraged to use freon in their water pistols.
    I think it's a joke.. ;)

    Re: April Fool's (none / 0) (#10)
    by Che's Lounge on Sat Apr 01, 2006 at 09:25:07 PM EST
    Scar, That stuff made me think I was a black woman. LOL You mean you're not? Boy did I ever have you pegged wrong.

    Re: April Fool's (none / 0) (#11)
    by Edger on Sun Apr 02, 2006 at 08:01:10 AM EST
    Hmm, well, maybe not Salvia. That stuff made me think I was a black woman. You are. You're just hallucinating when you think you're not. ;-)

    April Fool's | 11 comments (11 topical)